Monday, December 25, 2006

Down from the Chimney

I fell asleep on my sister’s couch last night watching Sportscenter on her HiDef 46” flat screen LCD TV, with a pair of wireless, infrared, surround sound headphones on (apparently I asked for all the wrong shit for Christmas.) Santa’s happy ass boisterously woke me up at 2:00am, opening stocking stuffers still in their original packaging. I’m actually surprised that the loud crackling of plastic and tearing of glued cardboard resonating through the dark and silent house didn’t wake up the neighbors’ kids. “Santa has definitely gotten a little sloppy over the years”, I thought to myself. I don’t remember our Jolly friend ever making so much freakn’ noise. Perhaps his workshop should consider sending him off with the toys already prepared for delivery (just a suggestion,) or a touch up course in Santa stealth. The “big guy” looked over at me noticing that he had disturbed my siesta, with a look of guilt as though a child had been caught with a hand in the cookie jar. I gave a quick disapproving nod, as he had disrupted my hot tub session with the European twins (we would certainly be having words if they had left before I made it back.)

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