Monday, January 8, 2007
Normally I'm not that lucky of a person. I usually don't win raffles, door prizes, business card drawings, or even bingo. And I sure as shit don't win the lottery (Well, I suppose you do have to play to win though.) Consequently, I don't ever gamble either. Over the years I've also learned to stay away from poker, black jack, roulette, horse races, and even slot machines. I probably know sports well enough to make decent money gambling (the last two years in Fantasy Football were lost to absolute flukes!) However, I'm sure that my lack of fortune would seriously outweigh any chances I would have at being successful enough to pay my bills. As unfortunate as I am, it certainly does not go unnoticed when the Gods throw me a bone. This morning for instance, I trekked down to the vending machine for something sweet (I'm usually not one to eat out of vending machines, but this one does have an assortment of nuts, granola bars, and a few other selections, offering at least a fragment of nutritional value.) To my amazement I noticed a shiny package of Pepperidge Farm's coveted Milano cookies that didn't quite make their descent into the retrieval basin of the machine. After purchasing my Nutra-Grain bar, I gave the machine a quick push from the top, as a Sumo wrestler might do to his opponent to gain momentum. As I rocked it back, the front end of the mammoth appliance easily lifted off the ground, creaking as it leaned. When I let go, its weight came forward and it landed on its metal legs with a loud resonating thump (apparently four people die every year getting crushed this way.) As if I had inserted money and pressed the button, my cookies fell on cue and oddly, I was presented with an unforeseen moral dilemma. Should I tape them to the outside with a note, so that whoever didn't get what they came for could be reunited with this ever so tasty treat? Maybe I should search for its rightful owner? "Nah, it's not a wallet," I thought. This is my moment. Survival of the fittest my friend. To the victor go the spoils. The gods are pleased, and so is my sweet tooth. Perhaps the New Year will bring a change in fortune.