It finally snowed, albeit just a few measly inches. Amazingly, it was this year’s first snowfall (ozone depletion anyone?). Even though I am from the tropics, I actually like the snow. It’s the dumb asses that can’t drive in it that piss me off. Oh, and those other crazies deserve honorable mention as well. You know, the ones that on the first sight of a snowflake rush to the grocery store and buy enough canned food to feed the entire Mid Atlantic. You'll be lucky to find any toilet paper either. How much do you think you'll have to wipe your ass in a time of crisis? I wonder how that thought process works . . . . . Oh my God, it's snowing! Wow, it hasn't done that in a while, it's very pretty . . . It seems to be sticking. Oh shit, we could get snowed in! There will be accidents, chaos, destruction! The end of the . . . . I should get supplies . . . what should I . . . toilet paper! I NEED TOILET PAPER!!! Weirdos.
Unfortunately however, when it snows in a bustling metropolis, ice, mud, slush, and salt inevitably follow. What’s worse is when the snow is followed by a glaciating encore of freezing rain coating everything like the thick icing on a Krispy Kreme donut. (Mmmmm, donuts). For those naive to exactly what freezing rain is, I shall explain. (You’re on your own with the donuts). It’s ingenious really. Basically, its falling snow high in the atmosphere that hits warm air during its decent melting into rain, then it freezes when coming in contact with sub zero temperatures again. It usually freezes on contact and because it’s now a liquid, it conforms to whatever it sticks to. It causes major power outages by making power lines too heavy for the poles to sustain their weight. Plants and tree branches break, windshield wipers and car doors become glued, and roads become covered in a transparent layer of slippery death ice. (More commonly known as black ice). Lovely. This is exactly what fell last night, mixing with the day’s earlier accumulation of snow, creating a winter wonderland of booby traps, icy pitfalls, and slippery slopes of death. I can’t wait to drive in it later. I’m giddy.