Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Stupid is as stupid does

I usually pride myself at being smart. (Well, at least not stupid). And not the “I can do the Rubik’s cube blind folded with one hand tied behind my back kind of smart”, or the “I just created the Polio vaccine”, kind of smart either. I mean the more every day, practical “not entirely oblivious to how the world works kind of not stupid”. In some small, inconvenienced way, I don’t mind being the “go to guy” sometimes. (I require a little attention every now and again anyway). People are always asking me for the correct spelling of words, to proof read something, or to program some electronic gadgetry. And because of my savant-like ability to remember trivia, I’m often recruited as a free agent for “game nights”. (Yeah, two hundred and forty two toothpicks, definitely two hundred and forty two). Unless Jeopardy calls, I couldn’t really tell you how knowing things like; giraffes have a two foot long, 24 lb heart to generate enough blood pressure to supply their brain with blood, will ever prove useful. (It has to fight gravity, duh!) (They also only have seven cervical vertebrae, but everybody knows that. Right?) I’m like a sponge. I can remember entire monologues, countless poems, the 209 bones and 620 plus muscles the body has, (and its nerves,) or unfathomable amounts of meaningless trivia. However, even with all these useless super powers, I still have a tendency to find myself in situations that totally negate the aforementioned statement of not being a complete idiot. Case in point. I was in the copy room today, which for the record, rarely ever happens, but I was there nonetheless. I needed to prepare quite a few copies of a pamphlet, and have the copier collate and staple the finished replicas. After a few quick finger strokes, I had programmed the machine, and it began its task with the familiar whizzing and shifting of mechanical components. Knowing that this archaic junk was the first of its kind, and that it would undoubtedly take forever, I decided to do something useful while I waited. Upon my return, I noticed all of the copies neatly bundled, stapled, and awaiting distribution. When I picked up the stacks of copies from the trays, I noticed something a little odd about the first pamphlet . . . . . . . . it was blank. And not just the first page, but the entire damn pamphlet. And guess what? You got it! So were all the others. Nothing but stacks of white, blank, stapled papers. Apparently I had placed the originals face down in the feeder. The same thing you do with the fax machine, the scanner, and even the copier by the way. (Except of course when you’re feeding multiple documents. Obviously). Stupid machine.

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