Monday, April 2, 2007

Cheerio Mate

I was having cheerios for breakfast this morning, and about half way through, I was overcome by a feeling of disgust. Kind of like when you take a girl home after a night of drunken festivities and become sober in the middle of playing hide the sausage, only to realize the travesty you hooked up with (hypothetically speaking of course). I felt like I was eating soggy cardboard.

I have pretty decent breakfast rotation, but after today, I’m done with cheerios. As the Trumpster would so emphatically declare, "You're Fired!" I don’t suppose there’s anything really exciting about them anyway, besides that they help lower your blood pressure or cure cholera, or something like that. Wooptiedoo. They certainly don’t turn your milk into a sugary rainbow of delight, make cool crackling noises, or lacerate your gums. They don’t even stay crunchy for very long, and no amount of blueberries or strawberries will ever take away the fact that they taste like the box they come in (or an old shoe).

The more I think about them, the more I realize how much they really suck. No wonder I’m so grouchy in the morning. I have a big bland boring bowl of odorless, tasteless, insipid, and characterless cereal to look forward to. Cheerios are so inviting, they don’t even have a freakn’ mascot. How do you not have a mascot these days? C’mon, if you want to sell me on something you have to bring out some black vampires, senile pirates, Irish midgets toting marshmallows, or something. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have some oatmeal instead. At least they have some cool Amish guy on their box.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

If you were eating regualr cheerios then yeah gross! You have to get honey nut they are the best. I personally like the strawberry frosted mini wheats also. They are yummy to my tummy. Oh and so are you! LOL!!