Thursday, April 5, 2007

Radio Head

Warning: If you find profanity offensive, or the use of interjectory expletives in written commentary, then please cover your ears as you read this.

I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning (which is a little unusual since I prefer to read), and a song came on from that girl that used to be with the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, her. I refuse to call her Fergie, because doing so would require me to respect her as an artist, and nothing could be further from the truth. I also refuse to call celebrity couples by Hollywood coined blends like Brangelina or TomKat. I’ll call Michael Jordan “MJ”, I’ll acknowledge James Brown as the “Godfather of Soul”, but there’s no way in hell I’m calling anyone who makes millions with songs like Fergalicious or London bridge, anything besides *fuckface, or in extreme cases of annoyance, stupid ass bitch. I may be bitter, but that’s not the point.

Anyway, I was amazed when the radio “bleeped out” the phrase “broke ass” from the lyric, “take your broke ass home”. Astonishing. I’ve heard the words bitch, anus, goddammit, and pussy all on the radio, but apparently you’re not allowed to say ass in a song. Is that not the most asinine thing you’ve ever heard in your life? (Well of course next to marijuana being illegal, and making chocolate statues of Jesus without clothes.)

*Here are the actual seven words that the FCC does not allow to be used on public Radio or Television: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits. However, if paired with common inoffensive nouns like face, head, or brains, then the words fuck-face, shit-head, or shit for brains, are all perfectly normal and readily accepted. Furthermore, pairing any combination of these deadly seven curse words together as in fucking shithead, or motherfucking cocksucker, is not only socially admissible, but those who do so are usually considered to be very talented and skillful.


La Cubana Gringa said...

God DAMMIT!! That's it shitface, you've crossed the motherfucking line and offended my delicate fucking sensibilities.

[Resumes drinking tea with right pinky in the air...]

Mr. Poopie said...

Sorry, you Fucking Priss.

[Spits off to the right then firmly readjusts his package.]

karla said...

Some strange words and word combos are banned, that's for sure. What should be banned, however, is that nasty looking belly of Fergie's. Makes me want to throw away all my swimsuits just in case I ever look that skeevy.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

How can you tell the chocolate statues are of Jesus without his Jesus clothes, or at least a large cross on his back?

Mr. Poopie said...

karla - When I see her picture I momentarily vomit in my mouth and check myself for crabs.

heartsinsanfrancisco - duh, I can tell by the pony tail.

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