I have glorious news! The renovations are finally complete and I am proud to announce that I showered in my own bathroom today! The new shower head is one of those over sized ones you find in fancy hotels and the tub is all new and sparkling. The vanity is also brand new and a few inches higher (my back is thankful), with a large new sink and a faucet that allows me to fit my whole head under it (don't ask). New light fixtures were also installed with bulbs that emit powerful face-melting beams of blinding radiation. At least I can charge people for tanning.
As with most good things in my life, they are unfortunately accompanied by something not so good. Like when I started dating a nympho for the first time. Initially, things were wonderful. Sex was spontaneous, crazy, and occurred in multiples . . . . . unfortunately, so was her personality. As I was saying, about the good and the bad, now that I have a newly renovated bathroom, the garbage disposal decided that it was going to spew forth everything it ate for the past couple of months (I knew that femur was going to cause problems), have a massive myocardial infarction, and die.
Apparently, there had been a clog in the pipes since the early 1900’s and I had to call the bathroom renovation guy back to gut out everything under the kitchen sink and replace it with shiny new internal organs. Since the kitchen sink also appeared to have a weak bladder, the flooring to the cabinets had to be replaced as well.
New kitchen sink parts . . . . . . $60
6 hours of labor . . . . . . . . . . . . . $240
Being able to continue dismembering stupid people in the privacy of my own home . . . . . . . . . priceless!
Now I'm just waiting for the A/C unit to submit it's letter of resignation and to be instantly incinerated by a lightning bolt.