So, I’m having my bathroom renovated right now, and frankly my house looks like Martha Stewart and Snoop Dog had a crack party over the weekend.
I hired this guy, (a referral from a friend) who is well known in the area for timely and trustworthy work. I’ve purchased all the materials and he is only charging me for the labor. Anyway, I went out of town this past weekend and he assured me that upon my return, I’d have a fully functioning bathroom and that he’d put the finishing touches (tile and paint) throughout the rest of week. Well, when I arrived home on Sunday afternoon, not only was the bathroom not functioning, but homeboy made the house look like Hurricane Katrina paid a visit. Apparently there were a couple of snags. One which involved breaking my beautiful, very detailed, very expensive, hand carved dragon in the next room and the other which turned my carpet into a murder scene. To his credit, the bathroom does looks beautiful I just can’t shower in it yet. It’s kind of like dating a supermodel that you can’t have sex with.
Yesterday, I had to go to the gym at the booty crack of dawn just to take a shower. Today, I was able to use the bath tub, but still not the shower, which is as helpful to me as having two left thumbs. I hadn’t taken a bath since I had floaties and crayons. Bath tubs are nice and all when you have those spacious Jacuzzi tubs. Mine however, is of the standard variety and I, by the way, am a tall ass man. As a matter of fact, my shower head protrudes from the wall just a few inches from the ceiling for cranial clearance. Most people’s shower head hits me in the fucking neck and I have to do the mambo to wash my hair. A tall guy in a little tub, sort of looks like a Great Dane in the kitchen sink. Not to mention, the whole concept of swimming in the nastiness you’ve already washed off doesn’t seem very appeasing to me unless there are bubbles and champagne involved (two things I’ve sworn off before work).
Captain Jack is supposed to be over today to remedy the shower situation. Let’s hope everything runs smoothly or he’ll be swimming with the fishes.