Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Money Pit

So, I’m having my bathroom renovated right now, and frankly my house looks like Martha Stewart and Snoop Dog had a crack party over the weekend.

I hired this guy, (a referral from a friend) who is well known in the area for timely and trustworthy work. I’ve purchased all the materials and he is only charging me for the labor. Anyway, I went out of town this past weekend and he assured me that upon my return, I’d have a fully functioning bathroom and that he’d put the finishing touches (tile and paint) throughout the rest of week. Well, when I arrived home on Sunday afternoon, not only was the bathroom not functioning, but homeboy made the house look like Hurricane Katrina paid a visit. Apparently there were a couple of snags. One which involved breaking my beautiful, very detailed, very expensive, hand carved dragon in the next room and the other which turned my carpet into a murder scene. To his credit, the bathroom does looks beautiful I just can’t shower in it yet. It’s kind of like dating a supermodel that you can’t have sex with.

Yesterday, I had to go to the gym at the booty crack of dawn just to take a shower. Today, I was able to use the bath tub, but still not the shower, which is as helpful to me as having two left thumbs. I hadn’t taken a bath since I had floaties and crayons. Bath tubs are nice and all when you have those spacious Jacuzzi tubs. Mine however, is of the standard variety and I, by the way, am a tall ass man. As a matter of fact, my shower head protrudes from the wall just a few inches from the ceiling for cranial clearance. Most people’s shower head hits me in the fucking neck and I have to do the mambo to wash my hair. A tall guy in a little tub, sort of looks like a Great Dane in the kitchen sink. Not to mention, the whole concept of swimming in the nastiness you’ve already washed off doesn’t seem very appeasing to me unless there are bubbles and champagne involved (two things I’ve sworn off before work).

Captain Jack is supposed to be over today to remedy the shower situation. Let’s hope everything runs smoothly or he’ll be swimming with the fishes.

14 comments:

la cubana gringa said...

Well, if you do have to dispose of him, I'd go ahead and clean up the murder scene at your place first.

Just a tip. And only because the thought of you having to shower in those jail showers pains me greatly. ;)

Mr. Poopie said...

Thankfully, he took care of the rug already. I mentioned something about liking to hunt during conversation.

Angela Z said...

Oh, no a bathroom horror story...I am going to renovate mine very soon! Well, at least there was a happy ending. BTW......baths are great! Excellent form of relaxation. Good luck to you.

Gnat said...

That is hilarious. Hope everything gets back on track soon.

czbrats said...

You should talk to your oldest sister, yours seems like a little hiccup compared to what she is going through!!!

Bitty said...

Have you considered just giving up bathing in general? Think of the time you'll save every morning... Not to mention the fact that you will always get your own seat on the bus. Besides, dreadlocks are a hot look.

Mr. Poopie said...

angela - yes, baths are great indeed. Especially with someone to wash your back!

gnat - I'm proud to announce that everything is flowing perfectly. Well, except the toilet . . . .

czbrats - oh, no . . . looks like I'm still the last to find things out.

Bitty - I'm with you babe. I've already given up shaving and it saves me tons of time, but now my legs are looking like Cro-magnon man's. You just can't win . . .

Gnat said...

If you called your family more often maybe you would be in the "loop." Glad to hear that you are flowing properly. I commented back on my blog for you...read it. I also created another blog for Abby..yes..your sister is crazy. :) Miss ya.

ruby said...

Well this sounds all sorts of pleasant...hope it all gets done soon! I'm sorry but the Great dane in the sink image gave me quite the laugh, not that I am laughing at your discomfort! But really...are bubbles and champagne really all that much of a bad idea before work? :)

Mr. Poopie said...

gnat - oh I know this isn't coming from the person who hasn't answered my text for a week.

ruby - thanks for stopping by. Well, now that you mention it, I may have to revisit my morning ritual. I am getting a little bored with the wine and chocolates.

Gnat said...

I emailed Chito about his birthday so I answered your txt but just not to you. :)

Special K said...

yea, bathing is cool, if you like sittin in a rotting sespool of your own hate and suffering.......and filth. ewwwwwwww

tell gnat to shut it. she's not the best at gettin back to people anyway, and i frickin live with her

Mr. Poopie said...

gnat - that's the most retarded thing I've ever f*ing heard in my entire life.

special k - well you know, if you'd stop playing naked rugby in nuclear waste like I told you . . .

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