Tuesday, July 24, 2007

All Dogs go to Heaven

Well, I suppose I’ve been quiet long enough. Every possible form of media has covered the story, and it’s finally time for Brown to comment. As long as you promise to do the same.

First, the facts as they have been presented . . . . As you all undoubtedly have heard, Michael Vick, the starting quarterback and face of the Atlanta Falcons, has been indicted by a federal grand jury on charges of “knowingly sponsoring and exhibiting a dog fighting venture”. He is being charged with breeding dogs for the use of fighting, testing their ferocity, and executing those that lose, or found unfit for combat. After an executed search warrant, the FBI seized 66 dogs, including 55 pit bulls, and equipment typically used in dog fighting. Another search was conducted by the Department of Agriculture and they found the remains of seven dogs.

For those of you with stuffed animals, or weak stomachs, I caution you prior to proceeding. . . . According to the indictment, in April of this year about eight dogs were found not ready to fight and were killed by hanging, drowning, and/or slamming at least one dog’s body to the ground. In March of 2003 after the loss of one of Vick’s Pit bulls, one of his friends was seen consulting with him about the dog’s condition, then executed it by wetting it with water and then electrocuting it. You read correctly, the dog was hosed down and then electrocuted. The name of Vick’s K-9 enterprise was Bad Newz Kennels. No red flags there or anything. Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and drop my kids off at, “Child Molesters R’Us” day care.

Michael Vick claims to not have known what was going on at his own property. Sure, that’s like not knowing you have crabs. The commissioner of the NFL, Roger Goodell, suspended Vick today, telling him to stay away from training camp until the NFL’s own investigation was complete. Vick's arraignment is to be held on Thursday. Most professional athletes get to play during their legal issues, but no such luck for Vick (aka Ron Mexico). The comish implemented a new rule which pretty much takes you off the field until the dust settles. Furthermore, Vick’s hearing is going down in Richmond, VA, apparently the fastest paper-pushing court system in the Universe. This could go to trial in six months. That’s a shame because I rather like seeing naked PETA protesters.

Unlike every professional athlete that preceded Vick involved with legal troubles, none was ever associated with crimes so unspeakably brutal. Everyone knows why O.J. did it, but how could Vick do this to man’s best friend? I’ll tell you why, because he is trash, the scum of the earth. “Oh my, such harsh words for a man who’s yet to be proven guilty”, you say. Well, allow me to retort . . . This is no small town rape charge buddy and he isn’t being charged by some backwater district attorney either, he’s being prosecuted by the Federal Government. Federal indictments have a success rate of 90%, which means they not only do their homework, but they don’t fuck around. This makes the Duke lacrosse allegations look like second grade finger pointing.

He’s facing up to 6 years in prison and a $350,000 fine. I have a hard time believing that he’ll see any jail time, but if he does, it won’t be more than a couple anyway. Although the worst of the damage has yet to be unveiled, Vick is already in a lose/lose situation. We are a nation that loves its dogs. We look to them for companionship, protection, sport, therapy, search and rescue, guiding, guarding, hunting, law enforcement, entertainment, and even as accessories (ala celebrity dogs). Even if he is proven innocent, which is still possible, not even a Super Bowl championship will bring him redemption or forgiveness. His jersey, usually a number two best seller, has now fallen to number 33.

The fact of the matter is, even if he personally didn’t harm these animals, he not only associated himself with people who did, but provided the environment for these barbaric and inhumane acts to be carried out in. Apparently, you can take Vick out of the “hood”, but you can’t take the "stupid" out of Vick. He’s the proud recipient of this week’s, “I should have just fondled a white girl” award. Dumbass.

13 comments:

Disgruntled said...

Again, I agree. This stupid fucker deserves way more punishment than he's going to end up getting.

la cubana gringa said...

I cannot BELIEVE someone could be this cruel to animals...humans, I can totally understand...but ANIMALS?? So innocent and helpless!

Mr. Poopie said...

disgruntled - No doubt, but I can certainly think of some creative jobs for his community service though.

LCG - Damn right. I wouldn't think twice about bitch slapping a child, but a puppy? That shit aint right.

Tammy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Poopie said...

Tammy - I appreciate that you've commented on my blog, albeit longer than the post, but I can't in good conscience say I apologize for my comment. I have a disclaimer that informs you of my HUMOR. If it's offensive, this blog may not be for you, or you're taking things way too seriously.

And by the way . . . Teachers should know better than to misquote people.

la cubana gringa said...

Mr. Poopie - You should have finished off that last comment with "...but I DIgress."

Tammy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Poopie said...

LCG - Ever the more wittier than I.

Tammy - I always welcome thoughtful commentary. I just assume that it will pertain to the subject matter of the post and not some irrelevant rhetoric about child abuse. In no way do I condone "slapping" a child, but you must admit, some kids do deserve to be electrocuted.

Not a fatal dose or anything, but just a good jolt to let them know who's boss.

p.s.
I love you too.

Gnat said...

I kind of wish I read this before Tammy delete her comments...but Raul...I actually agree. I'm what they call a CRAZY DOG LADY so naturally you mess around with my peps and I am all about the law screwing you. I just hope that this damages his football career because honestly that might hurt more than spending time in jail. Good Luck to the Fed Gov....Any help needed I'm there...except pose for that PETA pic. :)

la cubana gringa said...

LMAO! You friggin' KILL me...electrocuting kids. We're gonna have a good time next week!

AMM said...

Good show, Mr. Poopie! I concur with gnat - wish I could have seen what Tammy posted... Anyway, I think his punishment should be this: 1)A member of PETA grinds his teeth down to the exposed roots with a metal file, 2)Mike Tyson bites off his ears and nose, and 3)He spends the rest of his days in a cage at the humane society.

Bitty said...

I second Michael Vick living out his natural life caged at the humane society so long as he is occasionally released into a ring in which he is forced to fight other morally bankrupt people.

InSecretsItrust said...

the question is...can you keep a secret...?