Sunday, July 8, 2007

Air Force One

The coolest thing EVER happened this weekend. No, I did not get a scrotum piercing attached to a chain wallet, but I did get to massage a staff member of Air Force One! How awesome is that? Pretty cool I must say. I will not say exactly what she does though, for fear that my blog will be subjected to scrutiny from the Secret Service for having the words Secret Service and President in its paragraphs, but I will say that she has direct contact with the President and is responsible for making sure his floaties are secure in case of a water based landing.

She thought that I was so wonderful that she rebooked with me and offered to give me a tour of the plane. Okay, so she’s not really going to show me the plane, but she did say that she’d bring me a pin with little wings just like the one the President likes to wear. I tried to push for a coloring book, but she said that “W” keeps those in a safe and she’s not really sure who holds the second key. I proposed that the dog probably does, and she thought that could be a possibility, but then mumbled something about needing to get around the security pad with fingerprint identification.

I did find out that the President’s seat belt buckle actually has the presidential seal on it, as does the box of M&M’s for the small group of reporters that are allowed to be on board. I can’t really tell you what else was discussed because its G13 classified and because my screen keeps flickering (I think they're listening).

She was a most delightful client, and once again, one of the few in which I didn’t mind talking to for the majority of the session. Rest assured my faithful readers, these people are very rare and future blog entries will continue to be the normal stories depicting ungrateful clients, skin abnormalities, personality disorders, racism, flatulence, nudity, vulgar language, sex, bodily fluids, stupid people, and possibly even more sex. Because honestly, there’s a limit to how much niceness I’m willing to endure everyday at work.


la cubana gringa said...

You think she could just go ahead and make sure that GW's floaties are NOT secure?

Mr. Poopie said...

who are you? Prank blogger, prank blogger!

The Polished Turd said...

When you mentioned "floaties" was I was hoping you were talking about a good ol' vegetarian turd that just won't flush, but alas, you weren't. For shame.

Keep pumping that lady for more info, especially about Dick Cheney. I want to know if it's true that he must drink the blood of one gentile baby each day to stay alive.