Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Raging Bull

I usually applaud my Hispanic brethren for staying out of harms way (living in 3rd world countries where mudslides are prevalent doesn’t count either). We are never found mauled by bears, eaten by mountain lions, or crushed by unrelenting avalanches as we snowboard down mountains. We do not hand glide, race motorcycles, surf monsoons, or visit outer space. We are even hard to find in horror movies.

The reason for this is that most of us were born in a place where things outside of your house could kill you. Leopards, boars, snakes, and even ants could easily abduct, maim, or even kill unsuspecting children. At a very young age we were told stories of Chupacabras and old witches designed specifically to keep us from wondering too far into the wilderness, or out past nightfall. These “life lessons” were hard-wired into us from infancy and this knowledge grew up with us and matured as we did, into what today we call . . . . common sense, aka “street smarts” (for the brothas).

Unfortunately, the indefinite and calamitous powers of stupidity have found their ways into even the smartest of societies. Cultures rich in history and tradition prove to be susceptible to infectious attack. Among these people, the residents of Pamplona, Spain, who have been hit with a devastating outbreak of stupidity that has plagued their city for over 80 years. They are so ill-stricken with stupid that they even hold an event called “The Running of the Bulls”. Most of you have heard of this travesty, but what many of you don’t know is that many have died, and literally countless injured during the city’s festivities.

I shake my head in shame as I watch footage of people getting trampled and gored by these angry animals. Then I rewind it and laugh as I play it back in slow motion . . . . . over and over again. Maybe I’m just an insensitive prick for wanting the Bulls to trample wide eyed retards standing in the streets taunting the 900 lb beasts, or perhaps it is my twisted sense of humor that fuels the enjoyment of this carnage. Either way, I'm always happy to be entertained.

It’s not so much that I WANT the animal to inflict harm it’s just that I have no sympathy for the idiots who find themselves at its mercy on purpose. As a matter of fact, I don’t think that medical personnel should even be deployed to these events. If these jack asses can voluntarily find their way into the streets where stampeding bulls can be found, then I say they should be able to find their happy asses to the hospital as well.

Rodeo bull riders, matadors, residents of Spain, fuck it, to anyone who taunts a bull, swims with alligators, pets a strange dog, or even shakes a stick at a snake or spider . . . . You’ve been warned. I will laugh. Oh yes . . . . . I will.

p.s. MSNBC has an awesomely clear video. Just scroll down to Running of the Bulls. I've watched it 8 times already. That's your ass Mr. Postman!


Disgruntled said...

i TOTALLY agree with you. not that i wish anyone death or anything, but let's just say i wasn't too broken up about that crocodile hunter dude or the "grizzly man" either. what did they expect?

Bitty said...

That picture of the Chupacabra is going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life Mr. Poopie.

la cubana gringa said...

Something tells me that you might not be well received in Pamplona.

Mr. Poopie said...

disgruntled - Ditto. I never hope for death either, but a good ass whippin' from a deer is some funny shit.

bitty - you should have heard some of the f'd up stories we were told as kids. I can't wait to pass them on. Muahaha. . . .

lcg - And you at the white house my dear.