Monday, August 27, 2007

The Devil's Advocate

Okay folks, quick updates on some celebrity criminals . . .

Lindsay Lohan (a.k.a. freckle titty), plead guilty to nine misdemeanor charges which included her second DUI with cocaine on her person and has been ordered to serve only 24 hours in jail. Her punishment might has well have been a massage and a pedicure. Thankfully she's still on vacation in rehab, and will finally be getting better.

On a lighter note, Nicole Richie served 82 minutes in jail (1 and a half minutes per pound). That is exactly one hour and twenty two minutes, which is barely enough time to watch a movie, catch a cold, or see the last two minutes of a football game. She was released early due to overcrowding, which is quite comical considering she’s skinny enough to fit IN BETWEEN the damn bars. She reportedly blinked 6,398 times during her stay and licked a Twizzler for nourishment.

Michael Vick met with prosecutors this morning and plead guilty. As you may already know there are minimum and maximum penalties associated with the charges. As part of his plea deal, Vick agreed to assist the government in testifying in other dog fighting cases in return for a lighter sentence. Now, even though the plea agreement carries a recommended sentence from the prosecution, the federal judge has the final say on what he feels adequate punishment will be. More often than not, the judge’s decision usually coincides with the government’s requests. We’ll find out if this is the case for Vick on December 10th.

One more thing, I have something to say in regards to people who think he should be banned from the NFL for life. Although I don’t agree with what this man may have done, I also don’t agree with mercilessness. I think that he should serve his time as a result of his criminal actions as well as additional years suspended from the NFL and then be cleared to play. I think his subsequent punishment and fines should all benefit animal rights and rehabilitation. He’s already been dropped from every endorsement deal and lost millions in salary and merchandise (as he should have), but to vindictively strip away the only thing he’s ever known is vengeful, hateful, and unfair. I think he should eventually be allowed to play again, but preferably with a shock collar in case of poor performances.

Keep this in mind as well. As a convict, he will not have access to top notch training facilities and therefore will have great difficulty staying in professional athletic shape. Once released, he will have to continue training until the league suspension is served and he can be readmitted. Then, and only then, will he be able to attempt a comeback. However, you don’t just walk back onto the field and play. A team owner has to make the decision to offer you a job and that person won’t just be deciding whether or not you’re fit to play either (that’s the easy part), he’ll be deciding whether or not he wants to be the guy who offered a job to a dog killer. Vick will have to be as good as, if not better than when he left, in order for an NFL owner to conceive taking on the potential risk, and that possibility is even thinner than Nicole Richie. If people would only show the same passion in preventing child abuse, rape, illiteracy, and deforestation as they do in crucifying Vick, we all might live in a better place. Well…… at least one with more trees anyway.

7 comments:

Special K said...

well put, my brown friend. i too believe in second chances. i mean, let's be honest, everyone makes mistakes. some may not involve the federal government and millions of dollars, but they are mistakes and bad decision making none the less. i think that because vick apologized to the youth of america and told kids to use his actions as a prime example of bad judgment at his press conference this morning, he understands how bad this whole deal really is and eventually deserves a second chance after he serves his debt to society. i mean, he still is a bad-ass mofo on the field and i hope his speed and elusiveness helps him escape the inevitable ass-poundings he'll receive in the slammer. i'm just sayin

WNG said...

I keep trying to feel bad for him. I do. I'm living in the eye if this particular storm and you can't help but hear about it all the time, so I keep trying to feel bad for him but I just can't seem to do it. I know that he's lost a lot. But he lost a lot because he made a choice. He could have stopped and walked away at any time. He could have not started. I don't think he should be banned from the game forever- that's not justice. But I don't think that anyone should forget that he thought watching dogs literally tear each other apart was fun and that he wanted it in his home AND thta he financed it. That is the person he is. I hope he can change that- but one apology to kids is not going to do it.

Mr. Poopie said...

special k - float like a butterfly...

wng - I couldn't agree with you more. I think it's going to take a hell of a lot more than one apology to win us over, but once his punishment has been served, I think he at least deserves a chance to prove himself as a changed man.

The Polished Turd said...

My comment's a short one, but I agree with you, Poopie. I'm a big believer in forgiveness, especially if someone's done the time.

AMM said...

Yeah, I think he should be eligible to play again too...when he's like 42. Because that's how many days it took him to "find God". So see, Poopie, he's already a changed man. Changed his story so many times maybe... Why don't we just forgive him now and let him off scott-free? I think he should have an opportunity to become a changed man in jail, and then again while he's flipping burgers at McDonald's because he fucked up the "only thing he knows how to do"...poor Michael. Maybe he should have paid more attention in math class, or ethics maybe. Or maybe he should have completed the free education he received at a top-notch school that so many others don't even get a stab at. Forgive, never forget, and let the door open for more deserving others where appropriate - shame on you guys...you all play fantasy football, don't you?

Mr. Poopie said...

Polished - Thanks for the support.

amm - I was expecting these types of comments and I welcome your sentiments. Let's keep one thing straight though, I think he's still a monster and in no way condone his actions. Furthermore, I don't change my views due to a forced plea bargain and an elementary worthy apology, but the truth remains that we groom these young athletes from where ever they may come from to run faster, hit harder, and throw farther. No one tells them to study harder, to be proficient in math, or to become savvy wordsmiths. As a matter of fact we throw people at them to do these things for them so they can focus on making us more money. We do these people an injustice and whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, Vick is a prime example of a lost kid in a grown man's body with no one to turn to in a system that helped to cultivate his very demise. He is a product of our own failures. We don't teach athletes to be better people, we don't encourage them to be humanitarians, or elite citizens, but on occasion force them to make random acts of community servitude to uphold the facade of a seemingly uncorrupt business franchise. Let's be absolutely clear on one thing, the NFL shuns dogfighting not because it's inhumane, but because it's bad for business. Keep in mind, I'm not defending Vick, he acted immaturely and what he did was cruel, viciously inhumane, and should result in severe consequences. However, I do propose that this case is way bigger than Michael Vick and is part of two much graver underlying problems, one being gangs and the other drugs. We are also acting like he was the the founder of dogfighting and that there were never any other pro athletes associated with this kind of activity. Google Qyntel Woods, LeShon Johnson, and Nate Newton when you get a chance. Why didn't we ever hear about these guys? Why didn't we protest then? The reason is money. A star of this magnitude is going to make or cost everybody lots and lots of money. He's a bigger investment. Why have we been looking the other way for so long? All I'm saying is for everyone to be informed, rational, and just. Oh, and don't act like you've never attended a sporting event either.

AMM said...

Poopie,
By "we" I hope you mean "they" because frankly I don't remember being a part of any of that. True, I have been to a sporting event or two in my life, but not enough to pay anyone's salary or promote any of the evil situations you've described. Don't even think my ticket totals could pay for one bat of any of the Orioles - no matter how shitty they are! And I prefer to attend REAL sports anyway like soccer and hockey, as well as collegiate level activities where prima donnas are not yet in abundance, and the games are actually called by the rules. Regardless, when it comes down to it we are each accountable for ourselves, what we get out of life, and what we contribute to others. I will never feel sorry for these guys for being "shoved" toward money, fame, and acclaim (as you so aptly put it). There are plenty of great people out there living the same lifestyle that Vick has been afforded that actually do something with it - ignorance is not an alibi. And besides, even the dumbest motherfucker out there can't claim that he never once heard about the value of an education. When it comes down to it these values begin at home so I would rather you point the finger at his low life mother and father than "we".