Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Turner and Hooch

I thought I’d give you a quick update on the Michael Vick situation, just in case you haven’t heard, although I know that the majority of you are extreme animal lovers and probably just came back from a protest anyway. Here was the result of your efforts.

We’ve already established that federal courts don’t play around. With the state courts, you have a little leeway. You can probably finagle getting an Atlanta Falcon fanatic for a judge, a reasonably lenient jury, (perhaps even a few that had been bitten by dogs) and ultimately local law enforcement officers fond of misplacing or incorrectly labeling and storing evidence. No such luck with the Federal Courts.

Many of us have come to know the unfortunate atrocities that occurred at Michael Vick’s property, but what many of you may not know is that when Sir-breeds-a-lot was indicted, 3 other douche bags were as well. And as you can very well imagine, the other 3 defendants, albeit friends of his, were not upstanding, let me help you with those groceries, kind of citizens. The feds knew this and spent no time in exploiting their pasts. It took only a week for one of them to change his plea to guilty in lieu of a lighter sentence. Now we hear that the other two have finally agreed to cooperate with the government for similar deals. What this means for Vicky-poo? Not good. Basically this means that all his boys are going to sing like canaries and give up everything they know about Vick and his involvement concerning the allegations in return for mercy from the courts (Your dirty tax dollars at their best).

It’s even been rumored that the puppy slayer himself has considered a plea bargain. A source close to the investigation says that Vick has until Friday to make up his mind whether to accept a plea agreement. Otherwise a superseding indictment will be filed and Vick will face at least two more federal dog fighting charges. His lawyers are in the midst of negotiating a deal that would involve less than the year of jail time that the prosecutors have already offered. Looks like it's gonna be a maximum fine and minimum time. I’d hate to tell you I told you so. Well . . . . . not really. I have no problem saying it at all. Told you so.


Gnat said...

it's special k. we all knew, well at least i did, that he wouldn't do hardly any jailtime and with his millions of dollars, his large fine is merely pocket change. but, his career and popularity, on the other hand, are completely fucked. which sometimes proves to be even worse for such recognizable and adored professional athletes (pete rose, anyone?). he may never play again, if not for his off-the field- actions, but for his own personal safety. i think good 'ol ronny mexico needs to pack it in, dog fighting equipment included, and get the fuck outta dodge.

Mr. Poopie said...

special k - right on dawg. He'll see 6 to 8 months, and a year suspension from the league. He'll be back on the field faster than Gnat can knit her next quilt. Freak.

Special K said...

or knit me a nice scarf and a pair of mittens for all of these cold florida nights.........yeah ok

AMM said...

This is BULLSHIT! How are they going to send Lil' Kim and Martha to jail for a whole year for telling a lil' white lie, and this bastard is being "summoned" back to NFL training camp because the feds want to strike a plea deal now - forgetting all the innocent souls he MURDERED. Chauvinists! Last time I checked lying gets you places, and murdering was a crime...(except if you're lying to Brown about how good he looks in baby blue leather pants - still didn't get me in them...sorry Linds!) I hope someone from PETA goes ballistic and takes his ass out (Vick, not Brown). Awe, I want a scarf and mittens!

Little sausage said...

You know what? If this had happened in Britain, he would have been let go with a useless electric tag, seeing as all our prisons are full up with pensioners who didn't pay their council tax.