Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Apocolypse Now

The world is coming to an end. El fin. Fino. La Fin. Daas enda. How do I know this you intriguingly ask? By the housing crisis? By increasing gas and food prices? Or by polar ice caps melting due to accelerated global warming caused by deforestation, increased gas emissions, and pollutants released into the atmosphere eventually causing the inevitable destruction of man-kind by the powerful laser-like rays of the sun and endless bouts of acid rain? Niet. The truth is, McCain is a wrinkly old man, people are cloning puppies, Clay Aiken had a child, and most important of all . . . Brett Favre was traded to the Jets!

Can you believe this? I certainly can't. Wanting Clay Aiken's offspring is like sewing your head to the back of your knee so you can get a better look at your ass. And isn't that bitch like 50 years old or something? Don't you risk giving birth to two-headed, one-eyed garden gnomes when your uterus is as old as the Constitution? I'm flabbergasted, dumbfounded, and literally speechless. Okay, well not literally, except for Paris Hilton pointing out the painfully obvious. Thanks, because we didn't know that McCain was so old he used to gangbang with the Hebrews. Just stick to flashing your cooter to the world honey, at least your good at that.

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