Thursday, September 3, 2009

Pet Peeve #811

People who don't take off their jewelry before a massage. I am not Jacob, or a pawn shop; I don't care how big the rock your husband got you is, you don't need to know what time it is, and no, I don't think your anklet is cute. Take it off. Pretty Please. With a fucking cherry on top.

If you can afford my prices, I already know you have money. Perhaps you're accustomed to going to lesser massage therapists, but when you come to me, you need to be as naked as the day you were born. Just like any other artist, I too need a clean canvas. One of the things that sets me apart from other therapists are my transitions (and my brownness). It's the one element of massage that is often overlooked, but is essential in slowing a busy mind, or turning it off altogether.

What often separates a good massage from a phenomenal one, is the ability to coax the mind into timelessness. The way to do that is to massage in a way that appears seamless. Seamlessness is achieved when the client's mind can no longer distinguish between elbows, hands, knuckles, palms, or forearms and the key is in transitioning. Transitions occur when you go from one tool to another, or between different strokes as it were, without a break in contact, speed, depth, or rhythm. However, when I have to maneuver around jewelry, snapping g-strings, or cascading hair, the massage is constantly interrupted and loses its flow. Don't get me wrong, you'll still get good work, but for the same price, wouldn't you prefer perfection?

Science has confirmed the myriad benefits of massage, but one that is rarely mentioned is Alpha waves. The brain emits Alpha waves when in rest or meditation. People who have more Alpha brain waves have less anxiety. Anxiety and stress reduce the strength of our immune systems. Ergo, having more Alpha waves could mean less anxiety and, correspondingly, stronger immune systems. An amazing massage with expert transitions, (and no obstructions) can optimize the duration of Alpha wave emission and in turn grant you greater results. In short, take your shit off and let me work my mojo. You'll thank me in the end......they always do.

3 comments:

Amy xxoo said...

Seriously - could you pretty please, at your own expense, fly to Australia and give me a massage ? I promise to take all my trimmings off and i'll try to keep my baby belly out of the way...

Mr. Poopie said...

Amy - Aaaawww...thanks for the compliment...I think.

Amy xxoo said...

Totally a compliment! Your obviously so passionate about yur craft but i cant help but want a massage from you....