Sunday, August 1, 2010

Buckets For the Cure

As summer turns the corner into the final stretch, we say good-bye to one of the most ironic and paradoxical fund raising campaigns known to man. As you all undoubtedly know, I have a healthy adoration for breasts and will go to great lengths to defend them in their plight against breast cancer (or any other adversary for that matter). However, upon discovering that Susan G. Komen was joining forces with Kentucky Fried Chicken in order to raise money and awareness for breast cancer, I had to do a double take. I mean, it’s one thing to support breasts by eating a delicious Peppridge Farm Cookie, but it’s entirely another to consume a fried lard bucket of arteriosclerosis.

Breast cancer awareness is a theme that is inherently supported by a concept of health and wellness. It isn’t enough just to tell people that there is a silent killer among women and that if you’re 40 you need to get a mammogram. Breast cancer awareness is a component of overall health, one that includes exercise, an antioxidant rich and balanced diet, and a cognizance of one’s own health and possible genetic proclivities. All of these ideas are vehemently incongruent with what Kentucky Fried Chicken represents. Besides, I always thought the Colonel was more of ass man anyway.

Now, I’m not like some of these radical opposers of this partnership because I think that fried chicken causes cancer. I mean, it is possible that there is a link between obesity and cancer, but I’m not ready to say that a bucket or two will get you there. Ultimately, people make their own choices and if artery clogging, cholesterol saturated, fatty deliciousness is something you enjoy, then by all means, just do so in moderation (I must admit they are tasty). In the future though, I’d like to see Komen be a tad more judicious with her partnerships. 

In the end, however, I suppose a tango with a heart attack is totally worth saving a breast or two. After all, it does add a completely new meaning to getting a bucket-o-breast….Eh, if breasts are your thing anyway. Personally, I side with the Colonel on this one.


heartinsanfrancisco said...

Utterly absurd. The Safeway near me periodically sponsors a hot dog stand in the parking lot and (supposedly) donates the proceeds to cancer. I always wonder, shaking my head as I sprint by, if they realize that nitrates and nitrites are known carcinogens.

But more importantly: Why, exactly, do you suspect that the Kentucky Colonel is an ass man?

Anonymous said...

Komen probably just fell prey to the Colonel, what with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face. Besides, it's a commonly known fact that he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly!


Brown said...

heartinsanfran- clearly, the Colonel has dedicated his life to exponentially increasing the size of a woman's ass and thighs. Frankly, I'm surprised he doesn't sell donuts.

lacubanagringa - Ah yes, that infamous Southern charm coupled with the date rape drug. That bitch never stood a chance!

Welcome back my obnoxious counterpart!'ve been sorely missed.

mischief said...

KFC does not participate in this fundraiser here where I live in the Great White North. I agree with you that it is very odd, kind of like how cigarette companies sponsor golf which always seems to me to require fresh air, not that I know how to golf, not that I don't love cigarettes desperately which is exactly why I do not smoke.

Just today I read an article stating that high fructose corn syrup feeds pancreatic cancer cells so they can multiply faster. The last time I ate KFC was on my honeymoon nine years (or maybe eight?) ago... a major concession to the tastes of my new husband. And he never got to eat it ever again.

The End. :)

By the way, what kind of oil is it that massage therapists use? Could chicken be cooked in it? It's so nice and light and not greasy... seriously.