Saturday, October 22, 2011

Um, Your Bush is on Fire...

I recently read an article about some of the challenges that are preventing ebooks from becoming more widespread. In the article there was a side caption that mentioned cell phones being increasingly used as e-readers, a little nugget of information I find slightly harder to swallow than a Volkswagen beetle. One of the things that ultimately contributed to my purchasing an Evo (droid), over an iPhone was the substantially larger screen. 

Not only do I like the idea of being able to see more of pictures, movies, and text, but I also have large hands, which make navigating through screens of compressed text and icons increasingly difficult. However, even with considerable more putting green, I’m not inclined to nestle into bed or lounge on a couch to read fiction on tiny digital text.

Another attribute of smart phones that make it difficult for me to believe that droves of people are using them as e-readers, is their inappropriately short battery life. Even with animation disabled, screen brightness on its lowest possible setting, and all unnecessary applications closed, I find that battery life alone make using a smart phone as an e-reader pretty unrealistic. 

Don’t get me wrong, if I need to pull up directions on how to do something on the fly, read an article, prove someone wrong, or read reviews to a business or product I’m interested in, then using my smart phone to do so is not only prudent, but obviously better than the alternative. However, the last thing I want to do is replace a magazine, newspaper, or book with my phone. I’m generally not one to jump on a bandwagon on mere principle, but this is a trend I don’t see myself following even if a burning bush told me to do it.  

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Hello Haiku....it's been a while.

Well, well, well....guess what today is? That's right, it's Haiku Wednesday; a trend I had almost forgotten and left to the wayside. But it has found new life! Feel free to join in...go on...you might even like it.


Tufts of hair and dirt,
Tumbleweeds across the plains.
Roommates are joyful.


Cacophonous chimes,
dishes find their rightful place.
Music to my ears.


The mighty pen sighs.
weak the padawan foe is.
No match for the force.


The night's messenger.
whispers soft the day's secrets.
The raven watches.


The dogs eat heartily.
covered is the yard in mines.
Never has she scooped. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

When regular porn just won't cut it...

I've always wanted to skydive...it just never occurred to me that I could do it while having sex. I suppose for some people, the thrill of jumping out of a plane isn't enough; apparently, neither is good old fashioned, regular, wholesome porn either. According to MSNBC.com, a porn star in California, who also happens to be a skydiving instructor, thought it would be a good idea to jump out of a plane while having sex with the secretary. No, I'm not joking, you can check it out for yourselves here. Although my imagination has been known to conjure up some rather fanciful and outlandish ideas, I regretfully admit that this would have never crossed my mind. (Well, okay, the secretary yes, but not quite in that context) I can understand why a person capable of doing porn would have come up with such an idea, especially one that moonlights as a skydiving instructor, but an innocent, mild mannered administrative professional? 

According to the article, the local police department has issued a statement about the incident saying that there are no criminal charges pending. Apparently, the creators of the indecent exposure and public nudity laws were not insightful enough to include sexual acts that occur at high altitudes. I wonder how this makes people in Nepal feel? I find this mildly amusing because, to my knowledge, temperatures at higher altitudes generally aren't conducive to blood flow, and anyone who's ever had sex while a fan was blowing on them, (don't ask) knows that personal lubricant is absolutely necessary. I'm assuming that a porn star would be privy to this information and would have been thoroughly prepared, but what kind of calculations might one need in order to figure out the wind to lubricant ratio before some serious chaffing takes place? See, I told you my imagination was robust. I bet you didn't think of that did you? I mean, if you're going to do it, you may as well do it right.

I have a feeling that we're not going to see the end of this skydiving tomfoolery. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a commercial in the near future advertising personal lubricant potent enough for even the craziest of adventure seeking genitals. I may have been beaten to the punch on the whole skydiving thing, but that commercial idea is all mine. 

Friday, October 7, 2011

Protest this...

I used to think that protests were a waste of time, particularly those aimed at corporate powers or the government. I mean really, besides creating unnecessary pressure on local law enforcement and fodder for the news, what do they really accomplish? What do they change? Over time, I've realized that my feelings were such because we haven’t had a reason to seriously fight for a worthy cause in a long time, whether it was for independence, allowing women to vote, or to end segregation. The idea of protesting against the government seems like a vain endeavor, very much David and Goliath without the voice of God or impeccable aim to guide our ammunition. How is it that this attitude exists when it is the government that was created to serve the people?

The more I ponder the current status of the political game, corporate greed, climate change, and the ever increasing abyss between socio-economic classes, the more I realize that now is as good a time as any to assemble in protest. Our current president alluded to much of this need with his campaign message of change. He was right; we were just foolish to think that he could do it alone. We thought, somehow, that casting a vote and then going back to our entitled lives of lattes, smart phones, and miniature dogs, that things would magically change.

You can’t really blame us though can you? In essence, we have become entitled. We are a society fraught with the entitlement that comes with instant gratification. With the spawn of the internet and our ever powerful handheld devices, we have been conditioning ourselves to believe that things such as the economy, the presidency, and the attitude of millions can be changed as quickly as we can change our facebook status. 

However, what we’re failing to realize is even though women can now vote and we can all drink poor tasting, bacteria-infested water from the same fountain, protests are still needed now more than ever. We have enjoyed years of economic growth and supremacy, and in our complacence we’ve allowed politics and corporate America to grow into powerful, monopolizing behemoths; enormous conglomerates run by CEO’s more concerned with their elite financial status than ethics. Wall Street, lobbyists, and the insanely wealthy continue to take advantage of legal loopholes that do nothing more for the economy than they do for bridging the gap between financial classes. 

Protesting isn’t just a right, but a civil duty. If we’re going to turn things around, we have to demand transparency with political campaign funding. We must demand that corporate greed be punished, that the affluent pay appropriate taxes, and that the attitude towards education and health insurance be shifted. How is it possible that we continue to lay off dedicated, loyal, intelligent, and ethical educators, but grant huge bonuses to CEO’s in charge of organizations mired in legal trouble and financial ruin? I don’t know about you, but I know who I’d give a pink slip to.