I know, I know...it's been a while. I'm not really sure what to say. I haven't quite been suffering from writer's block or anything, I just haven't quite been in the mood to express how I feel per se. I've left the majority of the anger and self loathing for my diary, and decided what is left, a few philosophical musings if you will, should be posted here. My life has been going through a transition period... job hunt, graduating school, reassessing friendships, etc. And while I usually welcome change, this one in particular has presented some sobering epiphanies, such as: perhaps I'm not meant to be a writer, love is a faint memory, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need a root canal.
Life is truly fascinating, and not always in the speechless adoration of a sunset kind. Sometimes it's more like the morbid magnetism of a motorcycle accident, seducing our eyes to ingest the potentially macabre manifestation of Newton's Laws as we drive by. Sometimes we're frustrated and inconvenienced passersby, sometimes we're the motorcycle, and in other cases, we're the motorcyclyst who wonders how his life became a wreck. This is the risk one takes by driving a bike I suppose, or not using hand signals.
As we all know, life isn't comprised of an endless network of perfectly paved tunnels and highways devoid of cars, but an intricate web of twists and turns decorated with rocks, potholes, pedestrians, rain, and inevitably, other motorists. To say that navigating all of these obstacles is a challenge would be an egregious understatement, and to top it all off, you're not given a map, or a manual. We're merely comforted with the knowledge that crashing isn't a question of "if", but of "when".
My birthday is quickly approaching, and while I have no qualms about my age or getting older, I'm not entirely sure where all that time went, or what in God's name I was doing seemingly wasting it. I was raised in a laid back culture, one with an entirely different attitude and outlook towards the concept of time than the U.S. Consequently, I've always scoffed at people hustling about, planning, setting goals, in states of constant worry, and stressing over one thing or another. Maybe the busy ants and squirrels toiling away gathering and accumulating things know what they're doing after all, but hard as I try, I'm programmed to only go where the wind blows, and to amass only as much as I can carry.
Frankly, I don't think this strategy has worked out too well, but who really knows whether or not flossing everyday would have prevented the root canal. Perhaps it was meant to be. Perhaps it has always been a question of "when" and not "if". In either case, the timing is perfect. Just like life I've noticed. Everything working in perfect harmony and balance, just as it should be...ants toiling, squirrels collecting, suns setting, and motorcycles careening towards their inevitable state of rest.